Showing posts with label conservapedia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conservapedia. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Picture a 15 year old wingnut child. The Wiccanpedia is just too filled with pagans and secular humanists to be trusted for research purposes. So, you turn to the conservapedia for answers. You are researching political groups for a test in tenth grade social studies class, and you pick PETA as your topic. Clicking on the conservapedia entry gets you this entry.
P.E.T.A - "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals" or "People Eat Tasty Animals" to those who know better
A group of idiotic hypocrits & "media tarts" who campaign at the extreme end of the "animal rights" debate, and actually cause animals more harm than good. Known to try to indoctrinate Children with rubbish, insult religious groups, sponsor terrorist groups & promote bad science through a phoney "physicians" group.
Such scholarship and serious reflection on the facts are evident here. It's all about expressing conservative values while being informative to their audience. Ok. I encourage all conservative children to use the Conservapedia as their sole information resource so you will be working for my children, or become president. It happened for GWB.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
The trial in 1925 of John Scopes, for teaching evolution in Tennessee, was a defeat of Darwinism, and Tennessee has remained conservative ever since. The ACLU and liberal trial lawyer Clarence Darrow brought the Scopes case in the hopes of winning a public relations and legal victory, but in fact William Jennings Bryan decisively beat them.
The ACLU challenged a Tennessee statute that imposed a fine for teaching in public school that man descended from more primitive life forms. The statute did not prohibit teaching most aspects of evolution. The textbook at issue in the case taught eugenics, including that man supposedly descended from lower life forms and that some racial groups had evolved to more advanced levels than others.
The textbook also featured the fraudulent Piltdown Man. At the time, Darwinists claimed that this and eugenics were indisputable science to be taught to students. The Hollywood version heaped mockery on any argument that teaching evolution could be socially harmful.
I am glad they have stayed conservative in Tennessee to this very day! Heck, the good citizens of Tennesee just voted against Playboy bunnies having sex with darkie candidates so you know the lesson has stuck.
Thankfully, evolution is being ignored still by man in Tennessee. Apparently, Jebediah Springfield founded Tennessee when his dinosaur broke down near Memphis and Elijah was being a total butthead, as the bible would say, and wouldn't loan out the sky chariot. So in Tennesee a culture was born sometime less than 6,000 years ago that believes in faith, lack of reason, and Pat Robertson's delicious protein shakes.
There is one drawback though. Apparently, we are getting our asses handed to us by people who believe in evolution. I suspect they are secret eugenicists, and have gay sex with the piltdown man. They also have fire which we all know is the tool of the devil. They used "science" to invent things that make them dare I say evolve economically.
They also don't have Hollywood mocking them in Tennessee. They have horrible movies based on John Grisham novels set there. Also, there is Dollywood which apparently is an homage to dairy products or something wholesome of that nature.
Keep up the good fight Tennesee. Don't let those Darwinists with their "book learnings" and their "empirical methods" dissuade you from the truth. God made us in his image, not through this evolutionary bunk. In other words, God looks like a typical bible thumper in Tennessee (Apparently dental work is not part of God's heavenly HMO plan).
Bless you conservapedia for exposing these denialists of the truth. Without you, where would we be today?
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Today, the Conservapedia honors us with an economics lecture by world renowned economist Andy Schlafly. He's Phyllis Schlafly's kid who isn't the one whom Ann Coulter would call "a faggot". He is well qualified to teach economics because he is a lawyer who specializes in medical malpractice cases accusing doctors of creating cancer through abortion.
Schlafly also is the legal counsel for the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, a right wing medical organziation that opposes manditory vaccines, opposes HIPPA regulations, and filed a brief defending Rush Limbaugh for his hillbilly heroin usage. I am ready to learn from the economic master now!
Why should we spend a semester learning economics? Why is it important? And what is economics, anyway?
We all need goods and services. The goods that are essential include food, clothes, cars, and books. The services that we need include help by doctors, dentists, teachers, lawyers and barbers.
The Roman Empire actually collapsed due to the lack of the essential goods known as cars. Food, clothing, and shelter was the old standard. Now you don't need shelter so much, just some books, and your car. Hey the car can double as shelter in a pinch! If you get bored, read a book.
Economics is basic to our freedom, and is very influential in determining who we elect. Countries that lack economic freedom often lack religious freedom. If we lack rights in deciding what career to go into, then we will lack rights of worship also.
How we buy and sell things is almost as important as which goods we choose. Since nearly the beginning of the world, something called “money” has been the medium for buying and selling goods and services. The “money” itself has only the value that people assign to it. It can be made of a worthless material, such as green paper.
Ok, I need to trade my rubles in for some freedom money. I want the worthless green paper, not that Canadian funny stuff.
Money is, in many ways, a form of communication. Donating money to a political candidate or a charity makes a statement. Buying expensive clothes, a luxury car, or a certain houses is like free speech. We often judge the value of something by looking at its price. We expect a car that costs $30,000 to have higher quality than a car that costs $15,000. We don’t even have to look at the two cars to have a high probability of being correct in that conclusion. Sometimes the price can be misleading, of course. But often it is a good indicator.
That $250,000 donation to Swift Boat Veterans for Truth is a statement. It's a statement that you believe in irony. It's my free speech rights to raze down a forest and build a mega mansion on Spotted Owl breeding grounds. If you don't like it, you are a communist who hates free speech. Go back to
Freedom depends on the free exchange of money. Communism and other totalitarian systems consist of government control over how money is earned, saved and spent. Loss of this freedom inevitably results in the loss of freedoms of religion and speech too.
If we tax the wealthy, that means that Karl Marx will take your bibles away, and put you in a Charles Darwin re-education camp where you are required to practice homosexuality. Do you want that for your kids?
Finally, there is the concept of “redistribution”. That is the concept that government should try to even out the wealth in society, taking money from the rich and giving it to the poor. The process inevitably causes a loss in total societal wealth. Some visualize redistribution as a leaky bucket taking water from one pool and putting it into another, with water leaking out during the transfer. The leak in the bucket corresponds to the direct and indirect costs of the transfer, including salaries for people to do the transfer and disincentives to those affected by it.
These concepts will become clearer for you as the course progresses.
If we redistributed wealth from Paris Hilton, and say open up a community center for single working moms to place their kids, our economy would suffer. When Paris Hilton goes to Europe, and spends $5,000 on a pair of italian shoes, spends $3,500 a night on the luxury suite at a hotel in Milan, she might tip the bellboy $20. He could theoretically buy Paris Hilton's sex tapes off the internet, which I think is owned by some guy in America. You see????
It's true. I can hardly wait for the "advanced" economics lesson from Professor Schlafly. The invisible hand apparently made the people in Jamestown stop being lazy, and ignoring it caused Stalin to starve people in Russia. But, that is for the next lecture. There is enough here to digest for one day.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Today's word is the Cold War. Apparently, there were a bunch of imcompetents on all sides who didn't know how to end the booger until a hero came along to end it alone by himself.
The Cold War was a war between the United States and the Soviet Union. There was no direct fighting between the superpowers, but only an nuclear arms race. They each built many nuclear bombs and used them to terrify the other side. The United States had non-communitst allies and the Soviet Union had communist allies. These allies fought each other diectly. The United States would supply its allies and the Soviet Union would supply theirs. President Ronald Reagan finally ended the Cold War in 1989 because he caused the Soviet Union to fall.
Now some would say that the cold war policies that were instituted by a bi-partisan group of Presidents including Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter and Reagan, as well as a hawkish anti communist democratic congress played a big part. In addition, some would say that the inherent corruption, ineffeciencies of the Soviet State, in addition to their over reach financially in supporting eastern block states, waging a war in Afghanistan, and propping up the Cuban economy played it's part as well. Others might mention the influence of Pope John Paul II and his compatriot Lech Walensa of the Solidarity movement.
You would be a commie wiccan if you believed that crap. Reagan personally ended it all by himself. When he asked Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall, all of a sudden a light bulb went over the head of the collective world, where bygones could be bygones, just through the force of Reagan's super powers. We should name an airport after him.
Friday, March 02, 2007
The word of the day is Hippocrates.Apparently, he was a dude who lived a long time ago and really hate abortion.
Hippocrates, the “father of medicine,” lived 460-377 B.C. He issued the “Hippocratic Oath” that has been required of medical students around the world as a condition of graduation. It originally stated in part: “I will follow that system of regimen which, according to my ability and judgment, I consider for the benefit of my patients, and abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous. I will give no deadly medicine to any one if asked, nor suggest any such counsel; and in like manner I will not give to a woman a pessary to produce abortion.” With impeccable Greek logic, Hippocrates saw abortion as being in direct opposition to a doctor’s role of promoting life and health. People who profit from abortion today refuse to obey the Oath.
Apparently, the fundamentalist Christians believe that even though Hippocrates was Greek and born 460 years before Jesus, he has their back on the whole moral issue and doctors to this day should take his advice on medical ethics nearly 2,500 years later. He might have done some other things, but conservapedia really doesn't think they are important. The Wiccan Pedia has more details, but they are commies so don't rely on their word.
The Hippocratic Corpus, the collection of works produced by the Hippocratic school, is largely responsible for Hippocrates's renown. That body of work, however, is limited in its historical value because of its ambiguous authorship and a dearth of historical context. As such, the achievements of the writers of the Corpus, the practitioners of Hippocratic medicine and Hippocrates himself are often commingled; very little is known about what Hippocrates actually thought, wrote and did.
Stupid liberal nuance.
Hippocrates is credited with being the first physician to reject superstitions and beliefs that credited supernatural or divine forces with causing illness. He separated the discipline of medicine from philosophy and religion, believing and arguing that disease was not a punishment inflicted by the gods but rather the product of environmental factors, diet and living habits. Indeed, there is not a single mention of a mystical illness in the entirety of the Hippocratic Corpus. However, Hippocrates did work with many convictions that were based on what is now known to be incorrect anatomy and physiology, such as Humorism.
I think I will stick to the conservapedia version. Hippocrates was the proto member of Operation Rescue, and was very old.
P.S. Conservapedia only excerpted the oath. I wonder why they didn't add the stirring start of the statement.
I swear by Apollo, Æsculapius, Hygieia, and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgement, the following Oath.
They must have forgotten that section or deemed it unemportant for young conservative minds. Go figure.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Today, we learn about the word mailings.
A mailing is the use of the U.S. Postal Mails to engage in grassroots lobbying or solicit customers or members.
Beginning in the late 1970s, mailings became a crucial element in the rise in power of conservatives. The media became increasingly liberal, but conservatives who tend to stay at home and read their mail were reached through mass mailings.
Apparently, you can only lobby people through US mail. None of those letters from Nigeria really count as a mailing. Conservatives read their mail, unlike those Godless liberals who use their mail as fuel for alters to Satan (it helps the goat's blood coagulate faster).
A typical day at a conservative home consists of the following:
Father:Hi honey, I'm home! Is the mail here yet?
Mother:Yes, I got to the mailbox while taking a 5 minute break from home schooling the kids and taking care of your castle.
Father:Can I see the mail? I need to read closely through everything that came today. There was an advertisement for local dentists that should be here by now.
Mother:Honey, can we discuss this first? Remember, our pastor convinced us that cable tv was from the devil. We cancelled yesterday, and now with FOX news not available, only secular liberals are on the over the air channels.
Father(impatiently): What is your point darling?
Mother:After bible study, can't we read the mail together as a family?
Father:Fuck that you xanax popping Stepford wife. I am your master, the head of this family, comply. Give me the damned mail, make my dinner, and see if the 700 club is on. I hear Pat is offering a special on his delicious protein shakes. That's about the only protein shake you are willing to swallow.
Mother:*sob*
Father:Let's pray over this.
Mother:You are correct, oh head of my household. I am so glad you get to read the mail, because we need somebody to make decisions in the household, and the Lord gave you that job.
Father:That's right, I am the decider. Wouldn't you feel terrible if you were married to that liberal guy across the street who allows his wife to work as a teacher, and lets her choose what to do all the time?
Mother:He doesn't even read all his mail. What does he know? *sniffle*
Father:(Smiling)Kids come out here. Pat Robertson's on. I will read the dominos specials to you all as a treat.
*fade to black*
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The Bible. Oh, that one can start wars, lead people into angry arguments and create conflict to no end. Here is what the conservapedia has to say on the subject.
The Bible is the collection of canonical religious texts in Christianity. Most Christians believe these men were under Divine Inspiration, and/or that the Bible is God's infallible Word to men. Exactly what is included in the Bible is a matter of some dispute. In particular, certain books counted as part of the Bible by the Roman Catholic Church are regarded as non-canonical by many Protestants and vice-versa. Accordingly, it is impossible to be certain which books of the Bible are truly canonical. However, it is certain that those books that are canonical, whichever they may be, are Divinely inspired and infallible.
The early church's determination of the canon was based on several criteria, including authorship, consistency with the rest of Scripture, and the level of general acceptance at the time.
Well this seems like a pretty big cop-out here. That bolded section was added in the last edit to "remove liberal uncertainty" by one Hirem Whickermeister III.
So, in this biblical scholar's mind everything that is from God's actual mind is the true canon. Those liberal skeptics be damned. We just can't be sure which ones they are, but if we knew, that would be God's word. What if the ones that aren't God's word have some really bad advice? Perhaps we can figure out what to do when the next edit comes along.
I like the certainty as well. There is a 100% scientific absolute certainty that whenever we figure out which version of the bible God endorses it is perfect, infallible. This likely includes the Sawahili and Finnish translations. But, I am not so sure. It's often been said that the perfect version of the book is the King James version in English like God intended. The confident statement in the Conservapedia is going out on a limb here.
Now to convince the 5 billion non christians on the planet that some of these books are the real deal, we aren't sure which, so give up your silly Hinduism, buddhism, atheism, Jainism, Shinto, Islam, Judaism, Taoism and whatever crap Madonna thinks is truth this week.
Update:Shucks. I have just been informed that the last edit done on the bible page was by a snarkmeister, whose name isn't Hirem Whickermeister (go figure) and it hasn't been caught, or perhaps it was agreed to by the people at Conservapedia.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Today's Conservapedia word of the day is reproduction and with it comes a confession. I was one of those kids who looked up all the naughty words like penis and vagina and sex in the thick book as soon as age and the realization that there might be cool stuff in the dictionary hit my young mind.
Reproduction is a nice word. There were pictures in my mind of how the conservatives would explain the birds and the bees. Would they have a picture of ovaries and an erect member? Would they go the route of birds and/or bees? Explain that when a christian mommy married a christian daddy, they produced a new generation of children who believed that the earth was only 6,000 years old?
There were so many questions as to how the conservapedia would handle this topic that it made me all aflutter. So, I typed the word reproduction into the Conservapedia search box and got the following lucid definition.
Producing more cells.
I need to cry now.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Today I am kind of cheating; it's two words. Conservapedia explains away the period of both Fulgencio Batista, who ruled Cuba from 1933-44, threw a coup and was dictator from 1952-1959, as well as the rule of Fidel Castro from 1959 to the present with the following in depth citations. These entries will certainly help the home schooled kids learn more about the history of this island nation close to the shore of the US.
Fulgencio Batista was the dictator of Cuba before Fidel Castro. Under him Cuba thrived and he kept close ties to the U.S.A. He was overthrown when the U.S. started to back Fidel Castro. He fled the country and Castro took over as dictator of Cuba.
Fidel Castro overthrew Fulgenico Batista in 1959 and became dictator of Cuba. Liberals in America promoted Castro as a hero, but the conservatives believed he would become a ruthless and dangerous dictator. Sure enough, Castro soon began to rule the country cruelly, seizing private property and ending free speech. Under Castro's rule, Cuba has changed from being one of the richest nations to being one of the poorest.
I think I am ready to write a term paper now. But I have a few questions first. Was Batista a nice guy? It seems that everything in Cuba was swimming during his reign according to Conservapedia, but there have been dark rumors that he executed a great deal of opponents, and was tied to the mafia, he and J. Edgar Hoover might have been the same dress size as well. Perhaps that will be in the next revision.
Castro also has been president for almost 50 years now. Maybe it's being a tad picky, but stating without documentation that conservatives made a prediction about the naive liberals in America backing the wrong horse may need to be filled with a bit more background. I mean is he a gemini? Does he think K-Fed of Brittney should get custody? Come on, more info please.
Subscribe to:
Comment Feed (RSS)
