Monday, June 25, 2007
President John Wayne Inspires Mathews
This past Friday, Chris Matthews went on an anti Hillary Clinton rant. It's shocking, but true. He argues his position strongly with facts. This should finally make that broad know that she ain't got a shot in the big leagues. This is hardball, and I am Chris Matthews.
MATTHEWS: No, the idea that it -- well, let me just get historic. We've never had a woman commander in chief.
PARKER: No, you start picking on her. As soon as men start picking on her --
MATTHEWS: But isn't that a challenge, because when it comes down to that final decision to vote for president, a woman president, a woman commander in chief, will be an historic decision for people. Not just men, but women as well. Elisabeth, you're always thinking about these things.
BUMILLER: It's Golda Meir, it's Margaret Thatcher. I mean, we all remember these women. I, you know, I think we can get there.
MATTHEWS: But we've got Patton and John Wayne on our side.
My first fond memory of the John Wayne presidency was when it was revealed that his real name was Marion Morrison. Oh, how the people chuckled. He rallied though with home spun wisdom, and he gave the speech addressing this issue wearing chaps. People like chaps.
The Patton administration fared no better. He was constantly harassed by the soldier he slapped while in the service at official functions. His lawsuit finally was settled out of court, and they became friends and lovers.
Like Chris Matthews, I keep this poster of President Wayne on the bedroom ceiling. He looks so virile, yet so loving and compassionate. The kind of President who smells like English leather, yet will give you a hug when you need one right after he bombs a country whose name you can't remember. But you trust him like your daddy. Hillary can't do that. She has icky parts.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Aqua Velva Is Bad For the Ozone Layer
I was watching Chris Matthews today, wearing nothing but aqua velva, smoking a cigar, and having a good time. Melanie Morgan popped on my tv. Melanie Morgan is a lightweight talk show host from the San Francisco area. Debating her on global warming, energy policy, and Hillary's pantsuits was Robert Kennedy Jr.
Kennedy has spent much of his adult life studying the issue of global warming. Morgan watched a Fox News special on Global warming half way through until 'According to Jim' came on. Melanie Morgan started off early calling him Bobby Kennedy in a mocking tone to be cute. I spritzed the room with English leather, and rubbed the head of my Giuliani 9/11 action figure for good luck. This was getting serious.
Kennedy brought up the theory that if Reagan didn't kill off CAFE standards in the early 80's, we wouldn't be reliant on foreign oil, and we might have avoided being involved in two Gulf Wars, and 9/11 might not have happened.
Melanie Morgan says that is ridiculous. So ended her Socratic argument. Her rebuttal did make me think. What is up with Chris Matthews and the homo-eroticism? About the "conservative" side of the issue, not so much.
Exasperated, Kennedy said that you could listen to a talk show host on one hand, or the leading scientists from 120 countries. Melanie Morgan giggled.
Does she find Fred Thompson sexy too?
Monday on Hardball, Stephen Hawking will debate Ann Althouse on quantum physics, the age of the universe, and Hillary Clinton's latest diet tips.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Chris Matthews, the host of Hardball, is one strange bird. Once again, he was in barely concealed homo erotic mode again, this time drooling over Fred Thompson. He was especially excited that Thompson responded to Michael Moore in a YouTube video holding an unlit cigar, like a man's man, a throwback to an earlier time.
If any of Chris' family, friends, or staff members ever read this, please get the man some help. It's pretty sad to watch Chris while my brain is humming along George Michael's 'Father Figure' as background noise.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Once again last night on Hardball, you were drooling over the candidacy of Rudy Giuliani. He's a real man's man and all. Yet, in the 1990's, you went literally crazy over the news of Clinton having an affair.
So far as I know, Bill Clinton didn't bring his mistress into the house and have sex with her while the wife and kid were upstairs. He didn't marry his cousin, pretend after over a decade that he had no idea she was his cousin. He didn't go marching in parades with his mistress. He didn't announce a divorce by press conference, not even informing his teen-aged children that they were about to be embarrassed in the largest media market in the country, if not the world.
Bill Clinton's behavior was intolerable. Rudy Giuliani is a great guy. Would you care to explain the difference to your viewers so they can appreciate your wisdom? Is it because Rudy looks great in drag? Did you enjoy him screaming at ferret owners in a manly way? Is it his loyalty to Bernard Kerik?
Tell my Chris. Why is it ok for Rudy to be brazen about his serial adulteries and marriages when it's not all right for Bill Clinton.
