Sunday, April 01, 2007

George W. Bush Is The Greatest President Ever

Karl Rove and George Bush are fond of the theory that historians will prove the success of the Bush administration. I have come to realize they are right. Looking at things through a historical lens, it made me reflect on how brilliant this administration has been, and I have re-evaluated all of the bad things that I have said about them.

Let's take the economy for example. The stock market is up. In fact the market is at 12,354.35 right now. When Clinton left office, the market was only at 11,722.98. That means almost 1/10 of 1% per year in increase in value during the Bush administration. Who else can brag about those kind of numbers?

Iraq has freedom on the March. The surge is working. There was only one really gigantic bombing the last week. It killed 152 and wounded 354, but it wasn't even in Baghdad. It was in Tal Afar, which really doesn't count. That is camel drive by territory if you know what I mean.

The American people are happy about the way things are going. A good third think the country is going in the right direction. You can't please all the people all the time, but the people who believe in and are seeking the end time destruction of Revelations seem to think things are going really well. In fact they are giving Bush astounding numbers. They love him! Hey now!

New Orleans is on the mend. There is less garbage being produced per day. People are using less electricity. There are less people driving cars than 3 years ago. To me, this appears to be a testiment to Bush's environmental policies.

Dick Cheney has not shot a single lawyer this year. He also has not been exposed to the sun keeping him fresh and away from vampire hunters. Keep up the good work Cheney! I think it's really neat how you call 70% of the American people dead ender traitor supporters. You need to throw in a few more jabs at the "democrat congress" for listening to those people who think Iraq isn't going swimmingly. That is resolve my friends.

Alberto Gonzales has brought exciting new legal theories to the world. We were getting stale with all our quaint rules and regulations. Now, we have shaken up the mix some. Geneva Conventions were written on paper, not stone. Thanks Alberto for reminding us of that.

Condi Rice has discovered that diplomacy as practiced for the last 5,000 years was wrong. You don't talk to your enemies and try to find some areas of agreement. That was old fashioned and mistaken. You browbeat your allies and weaker countries into doing exactly what you want. It just works a heck of a lot better.

No Child is being left behind. The skies are healthy. The forests are being redecorated. The wealthy are collecting more money which they will certainly trickle down to us eventually when the time is right. Things are just great!