Saturday, June 09, 2007

Romney Clan's Squeaky Clean Image Displayed On Blog

Tagg! You're it. The Washington Post delves into the blogging life of the children of Mitt Romney. Think Osmond family but less confrontational and abrasive.

BOSTON -- Tagg Romney, 37, loves the Sox and has a thing for Billy Joel. Matt Romney, 35, always tunes in to "Saturday Night Live," and Josh Romney, 31, likes to surf and water-ski. Ben Romney, 29, hesitates to call his dog, Kingsley, a half yorkie and half poodle, "a yorkie-poo." And Craig Romney, 26, a Tom Brady look-alike, has 337 friends on MySpace and cites his dad, along with the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., as his heroes.

Wholesome does not really begin to describe the five adult children of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who for the past few weeks have been sharing such details on Five Brothers, their blog and the most popular feature on the former Massachusetts governor's campaign Web site. The blog is yet another medium to convey the image of dedicated family man that is an essential part of Romney's identity as a candidate. Earlier this week, while most of his opponents introduced themselves during the Republican presidential debate by highlighting their résumés, Romney started with, "I'm a husband, a father, a grandfather . . . ."

They are now worried that they are only reaching the genuinely pious demographic of Republican voters with this G-rated blather, which moves that 3% of the GOP base that doesn't break out the whips and chains on Saturday night, before acting holier than thou on Sunday. So now there are plans for a PG-13/NC-17 blog that will speak to more Americans, and share the Romney message in a way that can touch us all.

Tagg Romney reveals his secret shame when he accidentally touched his penis and didn't go blind. He thought God might be napping so he tried to burn his eyes out with a bottle of bleach. Fortunately his mother had used it all on Mitt's underwear. This lapse is her continuing shame, she didn't toss the bottle immediately away, failing as a housewife. Xanax and gin martinis take the edge off.

Josh Romney got shrinkage when water skiing in front of another man, and this helped him to realize that those secret urges could be controlled as long as he had icy water available. For those who wonder why he has an Igloo chest nearby during all campaign stops, no need to ask further.

Matt Romney's juvenile record is sealed, and the judge told him he didn't have to discuss the matter any more. His court appointed therapist wanted him to open up but he did his 18 sessions and she isn't in charge of him any more.

Ben Romney once left the gate open and his yorkie poo got out and did the canine lambada with the German shephard down the street. He didn't stop it, and he only watches the video tape when in a certain mood.

Craig Romney has paid $25,000 to a celebrity plastic surgeon to make himself look like Tom Brady. He still doesn't. Friends and family tell him he does to stop his addiction. It was very sporting of Tom Brady to show up and give him a pep talk. It was reminiscent of the time Don Drysdale gave a few words to Greg Brady about pitching, baseball, and life.

In this blog, they also reveal that their dad spends more time on his hair than their mom. Ben lied about his age to get into a movie at half price. He was only two weeks past 11, so it didn't really count, did it?

They also reveal that the Stepford Wives was an inspiration to Mitt, who likes to tinker around in the garage as one of his hobbies.