Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Damn You Matt Lauer. You've Ruined Everything

Matt Lauer singlehandedly is ruining nearly half a century of a brilliant political strategy according to Humberto Fontova, a wingnut author at Human Events.
Exactly three weeks ago Cuba's Stalinist regime held a "tourism fair" in Havana to kick-off an ambitious plan to boost the Cuban military's tourist booty. To entice and swindle foreign investors, Cuba's propaganda ministry publishes a magazine titled Opciones where Cuba's "Minister of Tourism," Manuel Marrero, boasted of a bold $170 million outlay to upgrade Cuba's tourist facilities from golf courses to yacht clubs to theme parks.

Exactly one week ago ( by some peculiar coincidence) NBC's "Today Show" decided to broadcast from Havana amidst smiling, clapping, dancing tourists while Matt Lauer advised viewers on how to legally vacation in Cuba. No doubt Matt Lauer has studied Katie Couric's post-Today Show career with keen interest and mounting trepidation. But all who watched his performance from Havana can reassure him:

"Don't worry, Matt," we say. "Should that fickle NBC brass become disenchanted with your services, you're a shoo-in for Cuba's new Minister of Tourism. You passed the audition with flying colors, amigo. A jittery Mr Manuel Marrero is probably already looking over his shoulder."

These Batista loving Cuban exiles are a wee bit intense and quite insane, but I digress.

Presidents Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush the elder, Clinton, and Bush the gimp have all remained resolute in a policy that is bound to work one day. Well probably not. They all have also been steely eyed in their determination to pander to the crucial Cuban exile voter in Florida, no matter how unbelievably stupid their irrational passion. Think of the minutemen movement, but with black beans and rice served at dinner.

Matt Lauer screwed this all up. Viva sanctions. Castro is bound to be toppled of old age and it will be bittersweet due to this treason.