Friday, March 30, 2007

Robert Bork In Swim Trunks Started My Psychosis

Have you ever said to yourself I like going on cruises and that Robert Bork fellow is teh hot? Well your opportunity has finally arrived. Don't be the slacker you are, and be the hobnobber you were meant to be.

You can get stuck on a boat headed to Alaska with Robert Bork, Dick Morris, Michael Steele, Art Laffer, Jonah Goldberg AND Kathryn Jean Lopez. You have to pay for it too! The itinerary and the lectures seems amazing.

Robert Bork leads an expedition off the coast of King Salmon Island to club baby seals. You will learn what kind of club works best, get to work on your stroking technique, and learn how to chew the pelts to make them softer. Robert Bly gives this tour 4 bangs of the drum so you know it's good.

Michael Steele will take you on a bus ride through Ketchikan as you learn how to pass out flyers and help rig an election in Juneau. Blacks vote on Wednesday again! Watch the hilarity ensue!

Dick Morris for some reason is holding a seminar on podiatry. I don't know what this is all about. However, his co-presenter, Miss Brandi looks quite comely.

Jonah Goldberg will be doing a lecture on how to preverve stains in the water from the Exxon Valdez, and on blue dresses from Gap. Kathryn Jean Lopez will show off her acting chops by playing both Linda Tripp and a beached whale covered in tar. Who said she had no talent?

Art Laffer will be signing cocktail napkins in the third deck lounge all cruise. The first person to recognize him will probably be the last.

Victor Davis Hanson will be giving a presentation on how Western Values proves that Sanjaya should be our next American Idol. Kathryn Jean Lopez will be doubling up at his debate partner but it should be no context. Duran Duran aren't American, and they are nearly 50.

Ramesh Ponnuru will "prove" that he really isn't Dinesh D'Souza, proving tokenism didn't get him his gig because there is totally another Indian guy.

Some housekeeping notes. Robert Bork wishes for the incident from last year not to be discussed again. Remember folks, you did sign non disclosure agreements. Jonah Goldberg will do his impersonation of the Comic Book Guy as a Cylon on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights only. You don't want to miss that.

If you are interested in this cruise. There is help. We have therapists in several disciplines who would be interested in working with you. Insurance might cover it. If not, have a great time!