Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Andrea Mitchell: The Poll Dancer

On Monday, Mrs. Greenspan was full of shit as per usual when she said that most Americans wanted Scooter Libby pardoned. Actually 18% wanted him pardoned according to a CNN poll released that same day, but I guess that is just being a stickler for details.

I think the issue is that Alan Greenspan is too demanding in the bedroom. All the hot economist on news liar sex that is going on is keeping Andrea too distracted to keep facts and figures in her mind. Kind of like Reagan in the late 80's, but with less charm.

A top secret source said that this scenario happened Sunday in the Greenspan/Mitchell home. I can not verify it's veracity, but I am just a reporter and am not bound by quaint notions such as truth and accuracy.

AM: Hi honey, I'm home. I told 10 lies today. Almost a record for a Sunday! I am so exhausted.
AG;Come into the study honey. I just shaked confidence in the economy. Retirement is such a blast.
(Mitchell walks slowly into the study, and spots Alan Greenspan sitting on a leather chair wearing his trademark glasses and nothing else at all).
AM Oh Alan. You greased your chest for me the way I like it. Your gray hairs are a D ticket ride, and I have got coupons silver fox!)
(Mitchell unzips her skirt, revealing a pair of crotchless panties. It turns Alan on, and it saves time, because at Greenspan's age you never know when you are going to lose the wood as the doctor's say.)
AG You're looking hot my fly spin doctor. Take a spin on my pole. 18% chance you can get lucky. That means most of the time if my math is correct, "Friedman" is going to SkankyNavia to collect a prize.
AM:Oh Alan, let me sit athwart your chest and make you do terrible things. I was reading this hot novel by Newt Gingrich and it gave me some ideas.
(Andrea does terrible things)
AG Oh, I am exploding, just like that irrational exuberance, I'm climaxing, and now deflating.
AM Oh Alan, 18% is most of the time. You were right, and you were amazing darling. I should say that 18% is a majority tomorrow, if I can toss it into a story.
(The End)

Author's note: This story is as true as Andrea Mitchell's polling data, or her claim that everybody knew Valerie Plame's CIA status.